Who Am I

...and a story

Dear Reader,
I have been hesitant to post this story and waited a couple of days but somehow I can't get around it.
I've been thinking about this since I listened to the book of Romans.

It was the week before my 10th birthday. I was eager to get home from school in the afternoon. It was a rather warm day in May; the sky was blue and life wasn’t so bad, at least on that day.
I came into the kitchen and saw through the bedroom door my mother sitting beside her sewing machine in front of the window.

-          Take your bike and go to the bridge and see what all the commotion is all about, she said. People are running back and forth on the road, and have been doing it for the past hour.

-          No, I don’t want to … I need to do some homework.

-          It doesn’t take you long to get there and back, …

-          I don’t want to go, I said and went outside.

My mother was angry, but I refused to obey.

Soon enough we learned what all the commotion was all about. A woman next door came and told my mother that there had been an accident and a few minutes later a stranger entered into our kitchen. He introduced himself as the chief of police from the nearby town and in one sentence he told my mother that her husband was dead. He had drowned while floating timber down the river.

My spontaneous reaction was “Oh no, and he wasn’t saved!” 

The policeman looked at me with a strange expression; excused himself and left the house. Other neighbors came and silently discussed how it could have happened … the accident.

Somebody said an uncle and other men from the village were searching for my father’s body; dragging hooks on the bottom of the river with boats. It took hours but finally late that evening the body was found and transported on a tractor trailer to our house. One of my aunts said I should follow her home so I didn’t have to watch the men carrying my father into the house. After an hour at my aunt’s house, my mother called and said I should return home. It was the longest walk I’ve ever done.

I didn’t know what to expect when coming into the house but my mother took me into the living room where a row of chairs stood in the middle of the room and my father’s body was stretched out on those chairs. I didn’t dare look at him but wanted to hold my mother’s hand because I was scared but nobody cared or comforted me. My whole body felt like it became consumed by fear. Nobody ever gave it a second thought what a trauma this was to me. 

My father lay on the chairs in the living room that night while my mother and I slept in the bedroom behind the kitchen. Next day the undertaker came and moved the body into a coffin. It was custom to “sing the dead from the house” and neighbors and relatives started to arrive. Soon the whole house was full of people everywhere. I hid in the bedroom and I felt totally alone although I was surrounded by people wherever I turned. I could hear that a pastor came; he said a few word; my grandmother recited a psalm, they all sang a hymn and the undertaker and his men carried the coffin to the black funeral car. Neighbors, relatives and my mother huddled together in the few cars that were available and followed the funeral car to the chapel where the coffin would stand until following week when the funeral would take place.

I was told to stay at home with a cousin as “babysitter”. 

And so I fell ill and on the day of the funeral it was decided that I should stay at home. My mother came home from the funeral dry eyed; and never mentioned the funeral or those past days after that day and I didn’t ask.

But many years later my mother suddenly brought up the subject and told me that during the week before the funeral, she had prayed to God that he would give her a Bible verse that could bring some light over what had happened to my father and when she reached for the Bible it fell open to Romans 8 verse 1-2. It convinced her that my father had been saved before he died.  She also told me that when the men had lifted him up into the boat his hands had been folded as in prayer and they could not take them apart.

When she told me this I remembered something else from my childhood. 

My father often went to auctions and came home with various items that could be classified anywhere between trash and treasures, and one of those items was a huge family Bible. My father told my mother that he was going to read this Bible from page to page during a year. She didn't believe him but he started to read and I remember him sitting with this Bible in front of him in the room full of those auction bargains. He never confessed faith in God and only once he accompanied mother and me to a church service. It was strange to sit beside him in the pew, and at one time during the service I looked up into his face and tears were rolling down his cheeks. I dared not say or do anything and nobody ever mentioned his tears but maybe God had that once – in – a – lifetime chance and touched his heart. 

My father was a troubled man and my constant prayer prior to the day he died was “Please God let father die before mother because I don’t know how I could live with him.” Eventually a child’s prayer was heard.

I have fantasized about how it would be if my father was alive today and now as an adult I could confront him about things that went on in my childhood. What his answer would be when I asked him why he thought he had a reason and the right to beat my mother. Why he hated me so much a certain evening when I accidentally locked him out of the house and didn’t know how to turn the key backward. Why he screamed on top of his lungs through the door so even my mother who was in the cow house heard him. She saved me from his rage but I never forget the anger in his eyes. Why it didn’t seem to cross his mind that I was only a child.  

Maybe I would ask him about the Bible reading and if it had any impact on him. Did it open up his heart to Jesus?  I will never get an answer and I will never get the chance to ask but I know one thing for sure; God's mercy was sufficient for my father, no matter how he had lived his life.

I have listened to many Bible studies about the book of Romans. It has been turned inside out and analyzed by many scholars but now that I think of it this verses in chapter 8 sums up the book;

“Therefore, there is no longer any condemnation awaiting those who are in union with the Messiah Yeshua.” (from Complete Jewish Bible)

When cold deep water surround you and you know this will be the end of your life I think the shortest way to salvation is “Help me Jesus!” Not much time to think about the right way to ask for salvation. Not much time to put ones act together. Not much time for anything else but “Save me Jesus!”  My father's folded hands speak of a possibility that in a split second the shortest prayer to God: “Jesus!” can bring a soul into eternal fellowship with God.

Sincerely yours, Ida

A Bibel verse ...with a sad memory ...

Romans chapter 8

 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 

² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.

Everlasting truth.

Jesus films

Dear Reader,

In connection with The Gospel of John; how many “Jesus films” have you seen? I have been trying to recall the times I have seen a movie about Jesus and it must be 5 during different times of my life.

As a child.

The Salvation Army came to our village and had meetings in one of our village chapels; or “House of Prayer”  as they were called = “Bönhus” in Swedish. The Salvation Army was always fun for a kid that didn’t have much entertainment since TV didn’t enter my home until I was 10. Salvation Army had lotteries called “oars” in those meetings and at one time I won two glasses that were blue in color. It was very exciting and besides the lotteries the home baked cookies and buns and coffee with 2/3 milk in the cup was a treat.

In one of those meetings they brought a movie projector and the film “Jesus of Nazareth”. There was excitement in the air and when the lights were out and the projector started with it’s sound of a smaller moped my heart beat raised a bit. I don’t remember much of the film but I remember when the scene of crucifixion started my mom whispered “you can close your eyes if it is too hard to see” but I watched it and was so sad that Jesus had to  going through such pain for me.  The Bible and the stories about Jesus was nothing new to me because of Sunday school, but it was a whole different experience to watch the story than to read or listen to it.  

As a teenager.

I was at school in the nearby city and in religion class we were supposed to go to the cinema and watch Max von Sydow playing Jesus in “The man from Nazareth”. There were discussions among the Christian students if it was appropriate for us to go to a cinema. Since it was requested by the school and was included in the time schedule it was decided that Christian students should also watch the film in the cinema; although by some looked upon as a very “ungodly place”. Von Sydow played, as I remeber, a very unemotional Jesus; with a face as engraved in marble and the whole fuss around the film and the film itself left me without any lasting feelings. I think it was the last time that Swedish schools had a Christian film on the time schedule. I think it was 1967 or 68. Things changed a lot after that.

As an adult.

Several years Swedish TV showed at Easter Franco Zeffirelli’s  film “Jesus of Nazareth” with Robert Powell as Jesus. I thought  he was a more human Jesus; at times  too detached and too “spiritual” for me, looking upward and away in some kind of “trance”. I think it is hard for any actor to portray Jesus and give justice to Jesus as a man and as God in human form unless you have a personal relationship with Jesus as your savior and a willingness to seek guidance from the Holy Spirit. This TV series got a lot of response from people who had watched it and people visited churches seeking salvation. In my home I tried to follow the film through Easter with my somewhat reluctant family who said they already knew about the story of Jesus. Well it didn’t hurt to tell it again.

Then there was “The Passion”.

I haven’t seen it and I don’t think I ever will.

But my husband, son and his girlfriend at the time, went to the cinema one evening while I stayed at home ironing curtains for my son’s apartment. I had seen trailers and heard about the violence and knew I would not be able to stand it. Not in front of the TV, not in front of the computer or in the cinema; ever.  But never say never;  now I have tried to watch bits and pieces on YouTube and have watched interviews  with the actor who played  Jesus; Jim Caviezel.  Someday maybe …

 Anyway …

I was standing in my son’s kitchen ironing the last curtain when they all stormed in seemingly exhausted. My husband’s first comment was “It was for the best that you didn’t come” Second comment was “Jesus must have been a super human to be able to survive all the violence and beating and still make it to Golgotha”.  For at least half an hour they talked over and over about the violence and beating but nobody mentioned salvation. And it saddened my heart because I had hoped for some sort of “Aha-experience “for them. That it would have opened their eyes to Jesus – The Savior. It was a disappointment to me and I wondered what could touch their hearts, if this couldn’t move them in any other way than making them a bit agitated for an hour or two.

Nr. 4.

The gospel According to Matthew.

The story about how I came about this film is a story that would take too much space here, but it is a film close to my heart and maybe one day I will tell the story. If you want to know how it was made, you can turn to Marchiano Ministries and send an e-mail to them and ask for the book that is a journey through the making of the film; seen with the eyes of actor Bruce Marchiano who portrayed  Jesus. In this film Jesus is a man who smiles a lot; hugs a lot; but also at certain times doesn’t hesitate to tell the truth about hypocrisy and self-righteousness.  Despite technical flaws and sometimes poor acting performance by some of the actors, the film is worth seeing and it leaves a warm feeling. As my husband said; “If Jesus was that kind of guy one might consider hanging out with him”. It’s a good review from someone who does not get impressed by films  in the first place.

Nr.5

The Gospel of John (2003)

And so we are at present time and the technology of Internet and YouTube. I started watching this film because I couldn’t find the peace to listen to the Gospel of John on Bible Gateway.com or read it by myself in the Bible. First it was rather difficult to watch Henry Ian Cusick as Jesus but as the film proceeded he became more comfortable for me; not that he is such a special actor but the Gospel itself has much to say even in imperfection.

The Gospel according to John is my favorite gospel in the New Testament and it has layer upon layer with depths that unfolds when I hear or read it.

Are there more Jesus films out there? I think Campus Crusade for Jesus has one and I’m sure I  have left out some other that is unknown to me. That is films who are true to the gospel.

What purpose is there in doing these Jesus films? Have they all had the vision to show Jesus as Savior and Redeemer and   bring people to salvation? No I don’t think so. But no matter what was the intension in the first place; God can still use them for His purpose at the right time and right place when there is an open heart that needs to hear a word from God into his or her situation. 

I’m aware of that this is my own subjective opinion that you do not necessarily have to agree with but maybe this has made you interested enough to search for a film about Jesus and give yourself the time to watch it.

I have almost listened through The Acts but need to start all over again. See you.

Sincerely yours, Ida